Dealing With A Break Up

Ive been delaying this post for a while now but no time like the present to actually get this one out of the way right?…

Ending a relationship is tough, we’ve all experienced this one time or another. For whatever the reason the relationship ended or who decided to call it quits, those emotions however painful are never easy to process.

Your not alone, and lets face it the end of a relationship isn’t the end of the world. None the less, it requires the time for everything to be normal again, which is something we all learn or are learning if you are currently going through a break up…stay strong!

No matter who you talk to about dealing with a break up whether its different groups of friends or family, everyone will give you a different perspective on how to deal with your emotions, which can be incredibly irritating. But your family and friends are only trying to look out for you, so do take their advice as it will help in the long run.

There are a number of ways that can help with dealing with a break, some of which have helped me in the past.

Allow yourself to grieve the loss of the relationship – The end of a relationship can cause a great emptiness to your heart, and you may want some time coming to terms with it. Therefore it is important you take time to grieve over the loss of the relationship to help you feel better and move on. In other words; cry, screem or even yell for as long as it takes for you to take it out of your system. For me, crying has always helped me with the painful emotions, whether crying has come the minute the relationship has ended or has taken 3 days to sink in till the crying can officially escape.

Keep your distance –  Simply don’t keep in contact with your ex. Meaning: no phone calls, no texts, no Facebook, no seeing each other nor no Whatsapp messages. Doesn’t necessarily mean never talking to the ex ever again, but means cutting all ties/communication for as long as you need to completely get over your ex.But be civil and limit the conversation if you do get in contact. This is something I for sure am guilty of when I knew fully well that still being in contact was not a good idea. However having broken up with the same guy more than once (yes I know!) I have taken this advice to heart by not keeping in contact. But with this, having fully moved on from my ex, I felt last month was time for me to get in contact and be civil with anything I had to say…However clearly being civil was a waste of time. Hope that hasn’t/isn’t the case of others though.

Organise your space and remove memory triggers – All break-ups can indicate a new beginning, so keep yourself busy by organising your personal space. You can do this by bringing new posters, cleaning your room and little things like changing your computer background picture.

Not only this, your room may have all kinds of items that remind you of your ex: this may be a song, a smell, a place or even gifts given to you. Having these around you can make the breakup recovery process harder. Having them removed and put into a memory box for a while will work wonders to clear space of all triggers. If you have pictures on your phone (no doubt there will be plenty) it may take some time to completely remove/delete them but once they have been deleted you will feel a lot better. For me this took some time in doing, as it showed me all the wonderful memories we had together, but there was no point in hanging onto them and therefore were deleted

If your ex gifted you something expensive such as a watch or piece of jewellery, theres no harm in keeping it, just for the time being putting it away until you have gotten over the relationship. But after time, there also isnt any harm in selling the gift such a the watch or piece of jewellery because you know “Out of sight, out of mind” really does work. That is something I have done as of lately, because its better of with someone else making use out of something you’re never going to use/wear again.

Don’t social media stalk – The last thing you want to be doing is stalking your ex on social media. Therefore unfriend, unfollow and block them all social media. This way you can avoid seeing details of the breakup because nobody wants a sob story plastered over their entire social media. Even if you decide to unfollow them or if their profile is open to the public, simply just dont stalk their every move because it really isnt healthy. If they decide to follow you after a while after the breakup, make your social media sound as if everything is good and you are happy. My ex followed me on twitter (I’ve blocked him now) and has liked and retweeted a few of my posts in the past. I asked him why he was following me to which and I quote he said “to see if anything gets written about me” – cool story bro! This is/was just an example of a poor excuse for covering up the fact that while I have gotten over him, he clearly (still) hasnt.

Surround yourself with friends and family – Friends and family will always be around to help you get back to your normal self. Yes again this process is hard and requires time, but being around those people who love you will help. Dont forget that they are there as a shoulder to cry on or if you just want someone to talk to. Having had great friends around me to help with the process helped as even though it may have gotten rather boring or me being a parrot for repeating myself, it was another way of finding their opinions on the whole thing…for which they we’re not wrong. But also go and make plans with friends, it will make you feel better and take your mind off the break up. It may feel weird at first but will get easier.

Rebound relationship- Usually people go straight into a new relationship after a breakup ie. rebound relationship. This is not a wise move as you’re still trying to deal with your current break up. There is nothing wrong with being single until you have fully processed your emotions and gotten over the breakup.

Healthy ways to ease the pain – Its natural to want to ignore the pain and turning to alcohol, drugs or binging on food but its not the best solution in the long term. Avoid doing this by taking up a new hobby such as taking a class or joining the gym. Allow yourself to get around 7-8hrs of sleep per night. This will not only help you distract yourself for a while but will also help you take good care of yourself. Since the breakup, I have rejoined the gym, resumed my passion for baking cakes, making healthy meals and well started blogging which helps since it allows me to keep myself busy and allowing me to write what I want on my blog.

Take a break from normal routine – Finally you may think about taking a short break from you normal routine after the end of a relationship. This short break may help you to process your feelings. This could mean you take a week off from your exercise class. If needs be take a holiday away for a couple of days just to relax and distract yourself. If you have plans with friends, you can always explain that you may want to cancel while you recovery.

Remember: Its normal to feel sad, upset, angry, frightened and other emotions after a breakup, as you may be worried that you will never be able to find love again after investing soo much in the previous relationship emotionally. But these emotions are normal after a breakup for which will help you in order to move on.

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